Hello readers! Ho in the Know has gotten great response, thanks for all your questions. Usually we'll be alternating between a column and a Q&A session, so this time we'll tackle a few of the questions and since so many of you were concerned about your oral technique, the next column will hit below the belt to take on the confounding art of the blowjob. See you down there,

Today's Questions:

No Patron Saint for that

Terrified of Toys?

Best Friend's Girl

The Silent Type

More Ho in the Know:

Real Doll
Ask-a-Ho #1
Thar She Blows!
Ask-a-Ho #2
Ask-a-Ho #3
Ask-a-Ho #4
Go South, Young Man!
Ask-a-Ho #5

This great guy I met has "issues" with going down on me. He says it's because of his Catholic upbringing; that he's still uncomfortable about that sort of thing. Is there any way to teach, or should I ditch him because of his so-called "hang-up"?

- No Mother Theresa

Dear NMT,

Honey, I've been there. And let me just say that 7 years of "teaching" didn't change a thing. I was understanding, I bought him books, I talked him through it, I didn't pressure, I gave him time, I was encouraging. I even started believing that this was an area of sexual exploration that I could probably live without, all the while my partner basked in the double standard of my attentive blow-jobs. We even discussed the issue philosophically, my argument being that since women have clitorises, a body part dedicated almost solely to pleasure, and one that doesn't play even the smallest role in PROCREATION, that humans were meant to have sex for enjoyment. If God created women, then she created the clitoris. Then she created mouths on men so they could hurry up and get busy down there!

Though I am now a devotee to finding a boyfriend who has loved oral sex longer than he has loved me, please understand my experience is relative. It doesn't mean that you don't have a chance to persuade him, it just means that if oral sex is important to you, as I think it should be, that you give it your all and if he still doesn't respond, give him the boot.

I've lately tried to get into the dating scene again and I'm having a hard time finding an adequate lover. I don't think I'm hard to please but I do like to have some fun. It seems like whenever I mention toys or extras the guys get scared--I've even had a guy go limp on me. I'm assuming that I scared him from talking too much. How do I go about mentioning things that turn me on without coming across as too domineering, or a freak?

- Unsatisfied

Dear Unsatisfied,

I may have this wrong, but I'm assuming from your language that you are talking about casual lovers. Maybe if you had a longer-term partner you could introduce your ideas more slowly. If unconventional sex and use of toys appeared to be a joint interest that was developing instead of an ultimatum that might be making your partners feel inadequate from the get go, you might get an enthusiastic response to your suggestions. In my experience most men are very intrigued by a woman's sexual exploration, but they wouldn't want to feel like just another rubber dildo. Let your lover know that the toys aren't worth a damn (even if it's not entirely true) without him on the other end of them.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and we have a little girl who is almost a year old. I don't think things are going in the right direction. I have tried to tell him that we need a break but he always thinks I am just kidding and I feel that maybe I do need to stay with this relationship because of our baby. Okay here is the even bigger problem: you see a few months ago I was introduced to a friend of his that he has known for some time. They work together. This friend is so incredibly hot and I can not stop thinking about him!! He is so sexy and I don't know what to do!! He also has a child. I don't know if this is lust or if my feelings for this guy are real. What am I going to do? I think about him nonstop and I feel so guilty.

-So Confused!!!

Dear So Confused!!!,

You have a bunch of things going on here, so it's best to look at them separately and try to deal with one at a time. First there is your current relationship, which seems to be in need of some repair. When a child is involved it's always best to work on things much harder than if you didn't have a child together, so I would concentrate on getting some romance back into your current relationship. See if you can recall the way you felt about your partner when you first met. Transfer the feelings you are having for his friend back to your boyfriend. Notice the way he smells, the way he looks in jeans, how he interacts with people he cares about. Do other women look at him? Thinking about him as a man and not your boyfriend may help you get some sparks back.

Second, while it is often fun and harmless to have a crush on someone else while you are in a committed relationship, you should try and evaluate your feelings seriously. Maybe your crush is based on thoughts that your current beau isn't giving you enough attention. Maybe you are attracted to the fact that this guy also has a child to be responsible for and you don't feel your current mate is giving you the support you need. You didn't indicate if this man is married or not. If he is: Don't even think about it.

I've had these crushes before, but I've never really acted on them and they usually pass. One that I did almost act on makes me feel terrible to think about, not because I toyed with being unfaithful, but because of the ultimate lack of quality of the guy I was shortly enamored with. The bottom line is that you should communicate with your boyfriend if he isn't meeting your needs--emotionally or sexually. If he refuses to meet them, then it's reasonable to want out of the relationship. But since this man is the father of your child, and will always factor in your life as such, I suggest you be open with your feelings and maybe even get a little couples counseling before you leave him on a whim.

Hello, My problem is that I really like to have sex but I cant seem to moan or make noise when I have an orgasm. The guy I am with now is a very nice man that takes his time with me. And I know that he would like for me to be more vocal as I want the same thing for myself. I cant seem to understand why I cant be vocal when we are having sex. And I can never seem to tell when I have an orgasm until afterwards. Is there anything I can do to fix these little problems I have?

-Wants to Scream

Dear Wants to Scream,

It sounds to me like you are getting a little pressure from your lover to make more noise. Maybe you are a person that doesn't make sounds when you are having sex. Why do you want to make sounds if they don't come out naturally? It sounds like you are happy with the time your partner is taking with you during lovemaking, but are you totally relaxed? It's hard to be relaxed during sex, especially hard if at any time during it you are thinking that you're not making enough noise. It also sounds to me like you might be having trouble reaching orgasm. This is normal, it just takes practice.