Hello readers! Ho in the Know has gotten great response, thanks for all your questions. Usually we'll be alternating between a column and a Q&A session, so this time we'll tackle a few of the questions and since so many of you were concerned about your oral technique, the next column will hit below the belt to take on the confounding art of the blowjob. See you down there,

Today's Questions:

Painful Intercourse

Puny Penis

Finger Frustrated

Hot and Lonely

Bushy Babe

Party Crasher?

More Ho in the Know:

Real Doll
Ask-a-Ho #1
Thar She Blows!
Ask-a-Ho #2
Ask-a-Ho #3
Ask-a-Ho #4
Go South, Young Man!
Ask-a-Ho #5

I've been sexually active for 5 years now. I seem to be pretty normal, in that I get horny, enjoy sex, and the lot. But my problem is, if I have sex for any longer than 20 minutes, I start to get very sore. This happens no matter how well-lubricated I am. A second go in one evening is definitely out, no matter what mood I'm in. I also have a difficult time achieving orgasm. It's a lot of work for me with not much reward, and I know that my partners can't tell when I have one. Is there anything I can do about this? It's pretty damn frustrating.

- Sweatin' for nothin'

Dear Sweatin' ,

First, you should make sure that nothing physiological is causing your dyspareunia, or pain during intercourse. Make an appointment with your gynecologist and tell her about your symptoms so she can rule out anything that also might be harmful to your health. The most common causes are inadequate lubrication and lack of sexual arousal, but it sounds like you've already ruled those out. Sometimes pain during intercourse has psychological roots, especially if there has been rape or sexual abuse in the persons past. Check out this article on dyspareunia at healthanswers.com for further medical information.

As far as orgasm goes, my advice would be to learn how to bring yourself to orgasm with practice and patience, and when you have learned to get yourself there, then teach your boyfriend exactly what to do. He's going to have to be just as patient--the average woman takes twenty minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to reach climax--but tell him it'll be worth it when you are putty in his hands. And don't worry about not being able to have actual intercourse twice in one night, there are lots of other things you can do for an encore. What about orally stimulating each other?

I want to have sex with my boyfriend a lot, but there's a problem. He has a small penis and I'm afraid the condom will fall off or I won't orgasm. Should I wait for it to grow or what?

- Displeased

Dear Displeased,

Gosh, how small is it? Men have all different penis sizes and measurements aren't necessarily proportionate to pleasure. More important is what he can do with it. But if your boyfriend is at an age where waiting a length of time can make a considerable difference in his penis size, he probably isn't quite sure of all the things he can do with it yet. I surmise there will be many unique penises in your future. What's the hurry with this one?

I don't know how to let my boyfriend know he is fingering me wrong and I mean REALLY wrong! He's one of those guys that does not take performance advice or hints very well. He views them as criticism. I don't want to make him feel stupid but I've tried guiding his hands to the right places and nothing works. It's gotten to the point where it's painful and I've had to ask him to stop. His goal is to have me reaching orgasm and he's convinced the reason I'm not is because I can't, not because of his "technique". How can I let my boyfriend know I have the ability to have an orgasm with out making him feel like a failure at fingering?

-Finger Frustrated

Dear Finger Frustrated,

Ooohh do I know where you are coming from. I had the same problem with a boyfriend once. He lived in a different city and we saw each other on weekends, penning passionate love letters to one another in between visits. In one mushy letter I tried to explain to him that what he was doing to me wasn't feeling that great, and I told him exactly what to do to improve his technique. Not only did he tell me that he wished I hadn't said anything, that he'd rather have figured it out for himself, but he NEVER implemented any of my advice. If I had it all to do over again... I would have done the exact same thing.

Direct communication is the only answer, really, but if you know your mate well you might be able to make the suggestions in a way he can deal with. What if he watches you masterbate some time? It may be hard for you to reach orgasm while he is watching, so I have a great idea: turn off all the lights and have him sit in a chair near the bed. Give him a flashlight but make him promise not to turn it on for at least ten minutes while you get comfortable with yourself. While you masterbate you can describe what you are doing, and then later on when you are feeling less self conscious (and in the throws of passion) he can turn on the flashlight and study what you are doing himself. Invite him to join in, and give him direction: faster, slower, use a lighter touch, make circles, whatever turns you on. He may not get the hang of it immediately, but it will open communication and at the very least he will get some real visual satisfaction.

I just got out of the longest most demeaning relationship. I'm really itchin for the wild thang, but I have really high standards. My main problem is I've never been a hotcake, but I really want to try. How do I have a few nights of great sex with an amazing girl (over 18 of course) and not have her hate me for not wanting to go steady? If I can't find a solution to this problem, I'm gonna get an operation and move to a monastery.

-Hot and Lonely

Dear Hot (ahem) and Lonely,

I'm sure there are plenty of quality girls out there who are willing to receive your pleasures without strings if you are up front about what you want and you ask nicely. PSYCH! When I find the address of a monastery that might be looking for boarders, I'll pass it along.

Just wondering how much pubic hair is normal? I'm afraid I might be a little bushy, thus scary...

-Worried

Dear Worried,

Pubic hair can range from a few light-colored wisps to a dark black pelt climbing down your thighs and up your stomach. Everyone is different and every guy has different turn-ons so rest assured that you are not a freak. One thing though, it is easier for guys to perform cunnilingus if you trim, and be very careful with your blades, but you can always do a little shaving here and there too if you'd like to be less dense down below. Better yet, get a bikini wax.

I would like to have a threesome with my boyfriend and a prostitute. I would like to know how all 3 of you have sex at the same time, cause I don't wanna be the party crasher!

-Confused

Dear Confused,

Hmmm… a prostitute you say? Wouldn't it be better to answer a personal ad so you can screen the person first? I hope you will make sure to practice safe sex. I also hope that this is not merely your boyfriend's idea, that it is something you want as well, and that you have made the decision to pursue it on your own terms. With all due respect, if you aren't able to imagine what goes on in a threesome, maybe you aren't ready to participate in one. If you'd like to have a preview, rent something from your local adult video store and watch it first--a knowledgeable clerk should be able to point you in the right direction.