Hello readers! Ho in the Know has gotten great response, thanks for all your questions. Usually we'll be alternating between a column and a Q&A session, so this time we'll tackle a few of the questions and since so many of you were concerned about your oral technique, the next column will hit below the belt to take on the confounding art of the blowjob. See you down there,

Today's Questions:

Sex starved

Lip service

Anal advice

Lesbian dreams

Caught faking it

More Ho in the Know:

Real Doll
Ask-a-Ho #1
Thar She Blows!
Ask-a-Ho #2
Ask-a-Ho #3
Ask-a-Ho #4
Go South, Young Man!
Ask-a-Ho #5

I want to jump my guy's bones but he's telling me no. I've tried all the special little places that usually do the trick on any other living breathing male. He's not a virgin I know that. So what do I do? He said he would if he didn't have respect for me but blessit!!! It's been 3 YEARS!!!!

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Poor, poor baby. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but If you haven't had sex with your boyfriend (he is your boyfriend, right?) in three years then you're probably never going to. Don't worry, it's not you. He's got to have some major issues going on that most likely should be dealt with in counseling. If he loves you but isn't attracted to you then the sad truth is he shouldn't be your boyfriend. If you love each other enough to tackle this problem together then I advise you to do so, but you must be willing to be honest with him about your own needs. Madonna/whore complex or not, three years is a lot of time to give someone so I'd be inclined to move on. You're sure to find a guy who will love you and also be excited to give you the time of your life in the sack.

I'm embarrassed about the size of my vaginal lips (labia minora). They protrude a lot and are very visible, especially as my pubic hair is not very dense. For this reason I get worried about men going down on me -- I imagine this is a real turnoff for them. What do you know?

-Special

Dear Special,

What I know is that all women are different and that guys are more open minded to body parts than you'd think. Just to put your situation in perspective, when I was a kid someone older had stashed a pile of Penthouse magazines out in the woods and my cousins and I would hike out there regularly to peruse them. One photograph that especially intrigued me pictured the front view of a centerfold whose clitoris hung down way outside her vaginal lips. I remember thinking "my god, I don't have that, I must not be a real woman." Then for years I thought maybe I'd be growing that part later.

I really think you should get to a place where you not only don't worry what men think about it, but you are PROUD of your uniqueness. If you think (and especially act) like your body parts are hot shit, your guy will too. If you act insecure and let him know you think it's weird, he probably will too.

My girlfriend just suggested we have anal sex the other night. We haven't done it yet. I'm into it, but whenever I try to initiate it she playfully stalls. I can't hold off any longer. I've got to try. Any advice on what I can do to get her there gracefully?

-Patient

Dear Patient,

You can't go sticking that thing in there unless she's absolutely ready for it. It sounds like she is mentally, but physically, for anal sex to happen and have a chance at being pleasurable, she has to be totally relaxed. Try making love to her slowly, maybe giving her an hour long body massage and lightly kissing her all over until she's lolling around like jello. Then make sure you have plenty of lubricant around--I recommend Astroglide--and use it generously. The minute she tenses up and doesn't want you to go through with it, you're going to have to put it somewhere else until later. She calls the shots on this one.

Is it okay for me to have dreams about me and 2 of my friends who are lesbians? I know I'm not a lesbian but I've been having dreams about doing stuff with them.. Is this normal?

-Am I Bi?

Dear Am I Bi,

Of course it's normal. I've never seriously kissed a woman in real life but in my dreams I have. Last week I dreamt my boyfriend was paying special attention to some girl I didn't know sitting next to us on a couch and things got hot and heavy between them quickly. While he was checking her out below the waist, I caught wind of the whole thing and decided to take action myself, first by kissing her on the mouth and then moving to her breasts. In the dream I was shocked at myself that I knew what to do. It even seemed like I was pretty good at it. The best part is the dream also benefited my waking life: I gave my boyfriend a detailed description on a long car drive out of town and we practically had to pull over.

Is there any way a man can tell when a woman is faking an orgasm?

-Sneaky

Dear Sneaky,

I don't know if they can tell or not, but a real orgasm is accompanied by a muscle contraction in the vagina designed to pull the sperm up through the uterus. It's a strong jerk, and he'll be able to feel it especially if he's inside you. If he's stimulating you with his hands he may only feel a slight tremor, but commonly a woman's extremities (hands and feet) get incredibly sweaty just after it happens. If he's basking in his own orgasm and he doesn't know these things already, you can probably pull it off--but why would you want to?