Two nights before her wedding, my pal Heather's best friend called in a bit of a panic. "Quick, can you give me some marriage tips? I'm getting a little nervous." When Heather relayed this conversation to me, I laughed, thinking, "Good luck, Chica!" Tips for a happy marriage can't be summed up in a few short sound bites. It takes lengthy conversations, oft-repeated mantras from overbearing relatives, and hundreds of egocentric magazine columns (like this one) to explain just a bit of what marriage entails.

And even then, things might fall apart.

As devoted as I am to the idea (and the reality) of marriage, I know the statistics -- 60 percent of marriages end in divorce. I also know three friends who left their marriages before they were 26 years old. Twenty-six! I'm sure each one of them would agree that small pieces of advice -- given in earnest or in jest -- can do very little to repair a lousy relationship.

But I still believe in certain pearls of wisdom. On good days, they can reinforce already healthy habits; other days they steer us back on track. The gems collected below come from friends, friends-of-friends, relatives, and various other unnamed sources. Some advice even came from gushing self-help manuals -- like the ones foisted on me by well-meaning folks who just weren't satisfied with presenting us with a set of dishes. With the right makeover, however, even these can be worthwhile.

Both wear blue helmets. You are on the same team, not competitors. There's no need to raise voices or belittle. It may sound dorky, but we even made up our own team name.

The 60-60 rule. Meet each other more than halfway: 60-60.

Behave in the ring. It matters less what you fight about, but how you fight. Learn to disagree without battling.

Dirty toilets for all. There are no "his" and "her" jobs; no one is helping someone else. Since housework is a drag regardless, consider it a joint responsibility. If you can afford it, pay someone to do the chores you both absolutely hate.

No keeping score. Yes, Rob refills the plastic ice trays a thousand times more often than I do, but if he constantly pointed it out, then I would have to tell him that just last week I picked up five hundred piles of dog poop in the backyard. Ditch the scoreboard.

Don't sweat the green stuff. It doesn't matter who makes the most money. Salaries do not dictate who is the most valued in the relationship. Value, as we all know, is measured by who can name the most state capitals.

Make time for each other. Lots of couples swear by their weekly Date Nights. Regular rituals, in whatever form they exist, remind you why you liked each other in the first place.

Give positive reinforcement. Everybody loves to hear "I love you" or "Thank you" or "Of course you still fit into your college Levi's." Never miss a chance to say something nice.

Have lots o' laughs. Take your marriage seriously but don't take each other too seriously. Not every comment is a veiled insult or a jab at your intelligence quotient.

Dare to delight. Surprise one another. Not necessarily in the Inspector Clousseau / Kato manner (which might damage the furniture) but in the "I was thinking about you" kind of way.

Foster independence. You don't have to eat everything with the same spoon. There will be some things you want to do that he doesn't -- and vice versa.

Celebrate. Always look for an opportunity for merriment: anniversaries, birthdays, and small victories…like when you finally use up all those canned tomatoes that he bought on a bargain-shopping whim.

Stay in the sack. After our wedding, and a few glasses of wine, one of Rob's surrogate mothers told us the key to a happy marriage was lots and lots of sex. Nobody likes to argue when they are naked.

Seek out the experts. Most people agree that communication is paramount to a healthy relationship. But if you struggle with discussing a particularly touchy subject, bring in a third party. A detached "authority" can facilitate good talks -- even if it means wrangling him into answering a Cosmo quiz or consulting the Moron's Guide to Balancing Checkbooks.

Make me, me, me, me. Help each other be more of the person they are. You will never change him, but you can draw out the best that's already there. (Yes, you do remember the best parts; call his mother if you need someone to jog your memory.)

Protect his big antlers. So he's hanging out at the bar, making plans with the guys for a week-long Vegas trip that's going to be "really fucking great!" No matter how tempted you are, don't remind him in front of his friends that he is a terrible gambler and he can't spend the dough because he promised to save for that super-neat washing machine you've been wanting. Hold the comments until you are in private.

Surely there are plenty more nuggets of advice. Even the vastness of the Internet cannot contain the amount of knowledge you need to build a happy twosome. But this list is a start.

And in case you were wondering, with the help of Heather's sharp advice, her best friend successfully joined the newlywed club. With lots of love and laughs, we hope she is on her way to becoming a lifetime member.