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 Until
the age of 15, I curtsied when I shook someone's
hand. It wasn't anything too fancy--but a simple, quick bend
at the knees, showing my respect for the person I was greeting. I'd
been at it since the age of 4, when my sisters and I learned all about
the subtle art of etiquette. Even as toddlers, we ate with a fork and
knife--albeit a dull one--gearing us for a life of uppity parties and
conservative social get-togethers.
I didn't think anything of it at the time, I just assumed that
all my fellow 7th graders were clearing plates from the right after
serving on the left.
One day during my junior year of high school, one of my mom's good
friends came for a stay, accompanied by her extremely good-looking son.
He was, at age 23, way out of my nerdy, teenybopper league, and I'm
sure my pink glasses and pig tails (I was a late bloomer) made me look
even younger.
Not thinking, I curtsied as usual when I shook
his hand. And that's when it happened. He laughed. Maybe it was
more of a smile, but either way it was enough to make me realize that
I looked pretty silly, curtsying at the age of 15.
Well, that was that and I haven't bent at the knees since. Though
still to this day, I catch myself every now and then, particularly when
greeting someone much my senior.
Still, my parents' firm belief in social graciousness has been
my savior many a time. I feel perfectly at ease in all strict, tuxedo-filled
social situations. I even know when it's my turn to thank the hostess
for her meal, and when it's not appropriate to initiate a toast.
And though these old-timey mores aren't practiced that much anymore,
there's still something to be said for good etiquette--or at least
decent manners.
So, welcome to Smile and Act Nice's new etiquette
column, where Miss Priss will answer some
of your more pressing issues. Many of you have expressed an interest
in things of a party nature, so I've come up with some common worries.
Read, learn and enjoy. And please send me any dilemmas you might have
for next month's installment.
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I've been invited to a dinner party
in a few weeks. I know nothing about the attire, and I don't really
know the hostess that well--she's a friend of a friend. Should I
bring something? What do I wear? |
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First impressions are everything.
Though your friends know you well enough to dine with you in cut
off jeans and bare feet, a dinner party is hardly the place to
show off your internal hippie. So please, keep a few things in
mind--dress for success isn't just a cliché. Wear something
your Mom would like. This doesn't mean you have to look boring,
simply dress with taste and style--you'll be amazed how much this
does for how you carry yourself as well.
 Yes,
my goodness, rule number one is never to show up ANYWHERE empty
handed. Bring a bottle of wine, bring flowers, or bring
a few pot holders or an apron--never underestimate the pleasure
of these simple, basic necessities. It's always extra nice, too,
to call the hostess on your way over there to see if she's perhaps
forgotten something at the store. A lemon for the Caesar salad,
or that bunch of parsley to garnish the sautéed scallops.
Do that and guaranteed you'll be invited back.
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I know nothing about wine and my boyfriend's
parents are taking us out to a nice dinner. I've never met them
before and I really want to make a good impression. But help! I'm
not even sure how to hold the glass. |
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Relax. Sipping wine is one of the more enjoyable
things in life--and you don't have to know anything about
the grape variety to look like a pro. The most important thing
to remember, is to NEVER fill the glass to the brim. You're not
drinking water--this is a fine beverage, to be enjoyed slowly
and decadently. (On a more scientific note, the space above the
wine in the glass allows the full flavor to come through, and
also allows you to swirl the wine, thereby tasting it the correct
way.)
 As
for holding the beverage, this too is simple. Red wine can be
held by the stem or by the stem and the bowl--whichever is more
comfortable for you. White wine, however, should only be held
by the stem. Why? If you touch the bowl your hand will give off
warmth, heating up the wine. And as white wine should be served
slightly chilled, this is not a good thing.
Oh, and one more thing while we're on this
matter: Toasting. This is perhaps one of the more important
aspects of fine dining. And as usual, there are a few guidelines
that you need to adhere to. When wine is first poured, it is polite
to clink your glasses with those around you before you take your
first sip. DO NOT just reach for your own glass and start guzzling.
After the first 'Cheers!' that's fine, but not before. Also, if
you are cheering with just one other person, this is the correct
way to do so:
- Say "Cheers!'
- Look the other person in the eye, while raising your glass
- Sip your beverage.
- Look the person in the eye AGAIN & set your glass down.
The last bit is often overlooked, and I can't emphasize enough
what kind of an insult it is not to follow through in the traditional
eye-contact manner. It shows not only respect and friendship,
but it's a sort of closing of a circle, signifying that it's okay
for everyone to go ahead and enjoy the meal.
One more wine rule: NEVER EVER pour your
own glass first. I see this again and again in restaurants,
someone reaching for the bottle, filling their own glass to the
brim (GASP!) and then pouring the last drizzle for their date.
This is wrong and rude and about as nice as a slap in the face.
Think of others before yourself--especially in a dining situation.
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I'm having dinner with my boss and
a few coworkers in a nice restaurant. I think I can handle using
the right silverware, but I usually don't eat with a knife. Is this
really necessary? |
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Are tomatoes red? Don't
ever abandon your knife. Eating with utensils is our way
of distinguishing ourselves from beasts.  They
use their paws. We use silverware. Please eat with a knife and fork.
And I'm not talking about grabbing the fork with your right fist
and then cutting your entire steak into bite-sized pieces. For crying
out loud--we're not infants here. No, show some class and place
the fork in your left hand and cut off a lovely piece of meat, one
bite at a time. Trying to scoop up a piece of potato? Don't pierce
it with your fork--use your knife and gently shove it onto the back
of your fork. This may sound way too fuddy duddy for the etiquette
novice--but believe me, your fellow diners will appreciate the respect
you pay them in performing your newfounds table manners, and you'll
feel dapper as dessert doing so. |
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